January 11, 2016


Fashion helps me feel like I have a reason to keep on fighting, a reason to keep on going in this twisted world.

These last few weeks I haven't exactly felt like myself, ever since I had been, isolating, myself. I always had these bright ideas of cool photo shoots I could set up but then all of the sudden, nothing. To many people this isn't a problem, they don't care if they're inspired or not but I am Fernando Reyes, I'm not like everyone else.

I've always had a clear path of my creative career in fashion, and I've never had trouble building up the confidence and strength to go through with my plans. In fact, I never even had to search for my confidence it's always been at the top of my head, but when I loose my creativity for a while, all my confidence goes with it. My creativity is what is going to get my to the top. So when I'm suddenly abandoned with all this sorrow and feeling of emptiness, I begin to question everything I am, everything I want to be. In simpler terms; my creativity is what is going to get me out of this boring, sad city - when something like that happens I begin to panic, it gives me anxiety thinking that I can possibly be trapped here.

A few days ago, at around 12 AM, my mom called me and asked me if I wanted to go with her to do something quickly, (yes, my family rolls like that. We do everything at night.) so of course I didn't hesitate to say yes because I hadn't went out in days - after school I come straight home. As we were driving through downtown, something happened, something that I had missed greatly - I was inspired. I saw all these lights, and envisioned so many things. It was like a piece of me had returned, I was back. It made me so happy, so deeply happy. In that moment, I didn't know what I was doubting.

I haven't been to a fashion show since November and that's generally the only times I go out because I get to explore a different city, a different street, different buildings, different everything. I haven't even taken a visit to the mall, where I can at least look at designer outfits, come home and watch the fashion show that the piece is from and imagine the perfect photograph that I can create with it.

This year, I pledged to make it my own and I don't plan on backing out, fashion week is on it's way so that's going to be something new, a new experience and a new idea that will make me feel less useless.

Photos // Craig McDean for Vogue March 2015 via Vogue.com

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