June 12, 2016

103 REASONS

We deserve to feel safe. My generation and the future generation.

It shouldn’t have happened - 50 innocent gay people shouldn’t be dead right now. I shouldn’t feel the need to have to post this right now.

But it did.

50 innocent gay people are now dead. And I need to write how disgusted, devastated and unsafe I feel. Should I fear walking outside with the love of my life to then be killed by a homophobic terrorist? I don’t know exactly what to think but I know how I feel and it’s something unexplainable. I’ve never felt this way - no matter how many sad, sleepless nights I’ve had - I’ve never felt this way. I want to cry at every corner, I want to hide and never be seen again. But life goes on and I must remain strong in a time where everyone in the LGBT+ community feels the same.

On Saturday I attended Pride in West Hollywood - it was amazing. I felt happy, accepted. The energy was insane. Everyone was dancing and celebrating our love for each other - but Sunday morning came along and it’s as if it had rained but instead of the dark cloud being succeeded by a rainbow - the dark cloud covered MY rainbow. My rainbow of happiness. I was no longer happy and 50 innocent gay people were now dead. I will move on from this one day but it’s never going to be the same. And 2 men kissing should not be the reason they’re dead. 

I don’t care about facts, I don’t care about learning what happened and why it happened. 50 people are dead and nothing is ever going to be the same. Sorry is not going to revive them. How much longer is this going to continue happening? We can take the insults, we can take our “sin.” But now, now the world has reached rock bottom.

And I didn’t have this planned to post this today because I shouldn’t have. I shouldn’t feel the need to cry. It should’ve happened, it really shouldn’t have. Life will continue and I’m going to fight because now I’ve got 103 more reasons to. We deserve to feel safe. My generation and the future generation.

Photography by Fernando Reyes

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