August 1, 2016

WORDS

This shoot was inspired by one of the most iconic albums by Madonna. 
Can you guess?
Meanwhile, read about my anxiety and the weird effect that words have on me.

Throughout my entire life I have always followed the philosophy of “words really don’t mean shit  – only actions do.” My parents have ingrained that through my mind since I popped out of my mother’s womb one wonderful Thursday morning. My friends and basically anyone that I’ve ever came across in life are included. So naturally it just felt like the right thing to do was to act on whatever it is I was going to do rather than just say it. I’m pretty sure that’s how most of the world runs their lives.

Of course I’m that kind of person. I like to act upon whatever it is that I say that I’m going to do (which truthfully explains why I’m very vague when saying something so that when acting upon whatever it is that I say I’m going to do is much easier. I don’t really know why I keep saying that phrase but I really like it.) 

Moving on. 

I think words are very important, and I don’t mean it in the bullying kind of way, I mean it in a very “I need people to remind me kind of way.” Not that I have any sort of memory loss, it just happens that a lot of the time I don’t really need them to show me - I kind of just want them to tell me. 

That’s confusing to a lot of people but I’ll elaborate: I’m someone who can move a long from person to person. It’s understandable - I happen to be a teenager who has no interest in “settling down.” (And realistically speaking, I probably wouldn’t even be legal too so thank Jesus that I’m not interested in that boring offer.) I find a lot of comfort in just having someone tell me that they love me. On the inside I’m just like, “Wow, thank you.” 

Thanks to my high anxiety, words seem to have more an effect on me. Yeah, yeah, you bought me extravagant gifts and demonstrated how much you cared for me but in my mind I’m just wondering if you’re going to say the words or not. It’s how my mind works. I like to believe that it’s a very simple concept. Of course, that doesn’t necessarily mean that I somehow don’t want affection because I do, all I’m saying is that I want both. I just want you to tell me that you love me more often. But I enjoy both. I’m “Bi” that way. 

I feel like it’s where I am as a writer; I feel like it’s where I am as a human with feelings. A high percentage of the population wants to have someone constantly fiddling them and “making love” with them. I don’t think it’s who I am, I like liberty and a simple “I love you” is fine with me. Words mean something to me - even if they don’t act on it (sadly.)

Photography by DR

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